Getting What We Can't

Just like most other emotions, jealousy is a curious one. It is both healthy and deathly. The Bible tells us that God is a jealous God, while it also gives out the ideas that we should not want what we do not have - to be content in whatever circumstances we are in (Philippians 4:11). So where's the balance? Should we follow after God and also be jealous? Or are we to avoid jealousy altogether and view it as a sin?

This is something I have personally been dealing with for some time now. Not that I am jealous to the point of action, but the feelings are indeed there. I find myself questioning whether it is a righteous jealousy, like that of God's when we turn and focus on others rather than Him? Or is my jealousy rooting purely in my selfish desires? Or worse yet, did my jealousy start righteous as God's and turn to selfishness? Maybe it started selfish and has turned godly. I've come to the point now that, being a child once rooted indefinitely in my sin, its evil nature lingering, and also a child saved utterly by God's abounding grace and mercy (the latter which overcomes the former), I contain both at the same time. Or at least the potential for both.

Even in the dictionary are meanings of jealous confused. In some aspects it is said to be distrustful, possessive, insecure, begrudging, and full of doubt. On the other hand it means careful, watchful, vigilant, and mindful. The world seems to classify jealousy in love and relationships with the former and jealousy in other matters of affairs (such as one's rights) with the latter. But why does it have to be this way? Can't I be jealous for the right reasons in the right way when it comes to love and relationships? Can't I be careful, watchful, vigilant, and mindful of the ones that I love so dearly? I do believe this is so, though I will also admit that my being jealous of one's time (wanting to spend it with them, whoever that may be) is probably a jealous one. All I can do, then, is strive to be jealous first for God, chasing after Him. Maybe then all other jealousy will either cease or converge into something healthy and nourishing to those most meaningful relationships (in a way), while remaining completely balanced and focused on the One who is jealous for me.

"He is jealous for me. He loves like a hurricane and I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. Then all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me. OH how He loves us!"

Can one even truly practice love without jealousy??? ...Healthy or not? Maybe it's not that we should put out jealousy altogether but embrace a healthy jealousy to love even more deeply and passionately, in a way similar to how God loves us. God, the jealous-loving God. And we His children. Imitators of our Father.