It seems hard to me to stay focused on God. To chase after the Dream-Maker, not the specific dreams I personally hold to. This struggle intensifies the busier I am. Even more so with each dream I dream and each relationship I build. I am very much a relationally driven person and thrive off of the relationships that I find myself in. Some more than others (i.e. family, boyfriend, mentors, small group, etc.). I find too often I place so much value in these people and in the relationship that I have with them that I lose sight of God and fail to praise and recognize Him as my sustainer and the One who gave me these wonderfully amazing people to begin with! I have yet to master, and probably never will, the solution to this problem. All I am left with is to continually pray and work on building my relationship, the very things that make me live, with my Creator and true Lover. Scripture helps with this of course. And prayer just as much. Even greater does praying Scripture or praying songs aid me in this endeavor.
There is, however, another aspect to this that has taken me completely off guard. While at times I find it hard to focus on the One who truly deserves my focus because of these great people, there are other times that these relationships actually teach me things instead of simply distracting me. You see, certain people bring out very intense emotions out of me. Those of pure unadulterated enormous love, joy, adoration, admiration, respect... of longing to spend time with, wanting to be with, missing when they're not around, and even the torture of wanting to talk to them and not being able to. This list is so minuscule compared to the complexity of grand and wonderful feelings and emotions that are brought about. But here's the thing... as great as they are, they are nothing, NOTHING, compared to how much greater these same emotions God has for me, His beloved child. Yes, even for you.
You see, the gamut of these emotions, as wide and deep as they are, probably do not come close to how deeply God feels these same emotions (except more pure) for me. If I love this much, how much more must God love me? If I long to spend time with said person, how much more must God long to spend time with me when I'm not spending time with Him as I should? If I can miss somebody THAT much, how much MORE must God miss me when I don't pay attention to Him? These thoughts perplex me to no end. I cannot convey any more to you how much this means. I love big and these emotions are enormous, yet I know they're not as great as others feel, and yet I also know how tiny they are compared to the gander of what God could be going through with me. I ask myself every once in a while why the people in my life put me through such emotions, and how they can, they are just human? I wonder if they know or even have an inkling how they are putting me through these wonderful and sometimes painful (though still wonderful) feelings. Do they understand the effect they have on me daily?! And too often I do not wonder these things about myself concerning God. Yes, sometimes I have focus issues. But at least I have come to learn these things through my unexpected teachers - the people I love most in my life. At least I have now been given some understanding, small as it may be, as to what it must be like. And all through first-hand experience. in this I truly am blessed. Maybe, just maybe, God gave me such strong relationships partially for the purpose of opening my eyes to this new revelation in my life. So I could love Him more and spend more time together with Him, intentionally. I, of course, will never learn this fully; I will never be an expert. But I am learning. And that at least is progress.
May I never forget this lesson and never cease to thank Him for it and for these people in my life! That they will always be a friendly reminder as I ride this roller coaster we call life and love and relationships and never more a distraction (unrealistic I know, but I can still hope and pray, can I not?).
Our relationships, when health, should accentuate our love for and relationship with God. And it seems the reverse is true as well. We were not meant to try and walk life alone. When these come into conflict, it can be sticky. Kinda like a marriage. Healthy relationships accentuate the marriage, but there are lines that can not be crossed. I consider it a priveledge to know you as friend, sprout. Keep writing, good post. See you around.
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