By Stretch of the Emotion

Emotions are a curious thing. Much of the time you choose them, even though you may not realize you do. But what about when your emotions choose you? What about then? What can you do? Can they be controlled or changed of they are not what you really want? Or are you stuck with them until the next surprise emotion comes along to take over your life.

Who knows, maybe this is just an anomaly in my own life. But I live in what seems to be a glorified roller coaster. And let me tell you, it has a bundle of ups and downs and flips and turns. Sometimes I am just normal - but not often. Then there are the others: infatuation with life. Sometimes amazement. The sense of undeserving-ness. But sometimes I just get down about things. For no real reason. Just... down. About nothing in particular, even. And it seems nobody can do anything to change it. Not myself, not my family, not my friends. But it is something I truly want to change. Not that I want to be *happy* all the time. But joy. The joy I have spoken so adamantly and excitedly about in times past to others. Where is that? Am I missing it altogether? Is it not what I thought? Am I just trying to hard (I tend to do that a lot) or looking in all the wrong places? Whatever it is, I want to change...

Yes, I know there will be down times in my life. Deep times. Those times will come and go, never lasting forever. It seems a part of me refuses to accept this simply fact, however. I know I am blessed beyond measure. With people, with circumstances, with life. But that is just it... I know. I do not always feel it. I don't know how to change that. Only that I must. At least, I think I must. I wish I could. I have been, however, wrapped in this sin nature in my limited human experience. I cannot shake it. Though I do desire to do and become more and more like my Savior. Like my Father. Like His Spirit in me. This process is longer that I thought. I feel I am moving nowhere. I have so much to learn. So many places to go. The thought of waiting eats at me almost daily. That thing called patience - now that is a mystery. I thought I learned it once. But then what I'd been patient about finally came to fruition. The rest of my patience seemed to be thrown out the window. ...Yet another thing I desire so much to change. But that I will save for another discussion...

Image from speckledbiter.wordpress.com.

Shack-like Truth

The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote regarding the reading of The Shack. I hope you find it insightful in some way as well...


"I’m sure you’ve heard of at least some of the controversy of this book. It is a better thing if you have not. Some say it is blasphemous, while others say it is a new revelation from God. I have read it and found it neither. It was not written to be regarded as absolute truth (as is explained in the forward), meaning it cannot be either of these things. No, it was written, rather, to raise questions and get people thinking. To get people to look at God through perspectives they have not yet considered before. To challenge people to relate with God on a more intimate level. And make you think, it does!

"Many of the aspects of God addressed and represented here I find to be truth. Others I am still contemplating: could there really be some shreds of truth in this? The truth is found in the principles behind the literal authored work. One thing can be sure and is evidenced by the messages in this work of literature: God is much too grandiose to be understood or grasped.

"So I... ask you read it with an open mind, well attuned to God’s Spirit. Please do not judge it prematurely. Read it not factually but metaphorically. And enjoy it! After all, I firmly believe God wants us to enjoy Him, life, and His creation."

Contented Spirits

I don't have too much to say, for a change. Just that life is really more than I could ask for in every way good. Dave explained once that to be content and satisfied in God and His presence in me is to say that even if I were on the street corner smelly, naked, and utterly alone, I could still lift my hands to the heavens and sing and shout my praises to God.

I can't say that I feel completely that way right now... I really don't want to be naked on a street corner or anything... but still I am so content in what He has given me! His provision. His love. His sacrifice. The limitation He has put on Himself within His all-powerfulness to relate with me. The relationships, glorious relationships, He has allowed me to have!! The amazing opportunities for greatness and even humility.

I could keep going but no need to keep you here for a year or so trying to read and decipher these things. If they could even be contained in that time or in my writing, I seriously doubt. Regardless, I write today only to speak of my realization of just how blessed I am. Really, I don't know how I manage to contain this either... so much of me wants to belt it out at the top of my lungs for the world to hear: MY GOD IS GREAT AND LIFE IS GRAND!!!

Spectacular Skies

Ever wake up just as the sun is rising?  I have.  Numerous times.  And I am so lucky to have the most perfect view of every sunrise through my bedroom door! Each time it happens I cannot help but smile wide.  It is as if God has touched me gently; whispered to me quietly to wake up, even if just for a brief moment; and given me another great gift just for my eyes!  Every time it is as if He is wrapping me in a hug with His presence and His creation.  

Each of these moments are so different.  Each more special than the last.  Though not necessarily more special because one is better than the other.  No, it is more special because they are each from my "Papa".  It is as if they pile up on top of each other, not replacing the last but adding to it!

The image above I took this morning, on another one of these great occasions.  There are no words to really describe what I witnessed.  You can call it grandiose.  Maybe it was more humble than that.  More simple or more intricate.  I'm not completely sure, but all I can say is that the only thing I could say when I saw it was WOW!!!  And this picture does not do it justice in the least!! But it was God's.  He gave it to me, if even for a brief moment.  It was our moment.  Special and just for us.  And for any other who got to witness it through their eyes as well.  Isn't that what a true Father does best?  Special moments crafted, designed, tailored... just for me.  For you.  For any of us who are willing to open our eyes for a moment and soak it all in :)  How loving He is!

Stress Transferred

This can easily be a stressful time of year. Some, of course, stress more than others. Yesterday was our department Christmas party, which always seems to be a spell for disaster. My supervisor, who had been tasked to plan the party, took entirely too much ownership, causing stress to pool out of her. Waiting to do things until the last minute and then letting the fact that there was no time left get to her. The problem comes into play here: when she stresses, it gets pushed onto everyone else as well. Then I got to thinking, "Does everyone wear stress this way? Or only certain people?"

I told her not to stress. I explained that she should just not let things like this get to her. It's not worth it. It ruins everything perfectly good. And worse yet, it affects the rest of us greatly. Besides, God had not designed us this way. She told me I was right but kept on anyways, claiming she had no other choice. But there is a choice. The choice is always ours!!! She went on to explain that it was caused because nothing was happening exactly as planned and all the timing was off. The real question is who's timing was it? Hers? Or in that case... what about your time table? Face it, your time table means nothing whatsoever. I'd like to see any of us turn to God and say that we HAVE to stress because things HAVE to go as we plan them, when we plan them, or else! Some of this is in our nature because of the sin that is in us. And I do believe God understands, because He sees the whole picture and He loves us uncontrollably. But still, we are not meant to live this way. When things start happening different from God's plan and time table... now THAT would be cause for some real concern. And I seriously doubt life will ever TRULY come to that point.

Anyways, back to our original topic: how do you wear your stress? Do you bottle it up for no one to see until you explode and nobody sees the torrent coming until it's too late? Do you wear it peacefully, not letting it affect you much at all? Do you wear it on the cuff of your sleeve taking everyone else down with you, leaving a path of destruction? Whatever the case may be, it is largely not worth it. Sure, some "stress" is good so far as motivation and focus goes. But VERY little. God made us to be like Him, creatures of peace and understanding. We do not live up to this, naturally. We probably never will, not until we see Him face to face that is.

So why do we let things get to us anyways? What's the point, really? What good does it do any of us? This is something God has been teaching me lately, mostly through Hal's influence in my life (he's such a great guy ! :). Something I have to admit I will never fully learn and I will probably struggle with all my life; all of us do. But seriously: Why? Why not just let things go with the flow and move on from there? I firmly believe we can live our lives and put our all into the things we do without letting it "get" to us. So why don't we? What's preventing us? (No Sunday School answers, please!) Why not just live, to the best of our ability of God working and being in and through us, as God intended us to? My proposition is this: maybe it's really not that hard at all. Maybe we make it out to be more than it truly is. Maybe we do this with everything in life. I'm not sure, but I personally am going to do my best to live a simple, peaceful, flexible life and allow God to lead me and work through me. Maybe, just maybe, doing this will spill over into the lives of those around me. At least, I sure hope so...

"Let go and let God!"

Why a Desert?

The Desert. It's all around us. Haven't you seen it? It's what we call the world we live in. Oh, sure, it looks nice and pretty from the outside. Well, a lot of it does anyways. On the other hand, a lot of it is pretty grungy too. (And not in a cool hip hop kinda way). But when you get down to the meat of it... all that's left is a desolate land that no man can live off of. For the most part. That is what we are forced to live with daily.

Rick McKinney refers to it as the "Beautiful Mess". An oxymoron for sure. He opens his book with an analogy of our world as a junk yard or dump yard. Yet the relationships are built there as it is turned into a playground or treasure hunt for children, as well as fathers and sons. The fact that it's a mess is what makes it all so beautiful. The beauty is found in the small things that seem so meaningless.

Better yet - we are that mess. God chooses to see the beauty that He has hand-crafted in us. Besides, He chose to put that beauty there in the first place. And He does everything to wear away the sand that has caulked its hard shell onto our once tender hearts and lives. It's that very sand that puts thoughts in our head that we are the opposite of what we were indeed made to be: beautiful, wonderful, accomplished, successful, magnificent, lovable, accepted...

It's what I've referred to here as the sprout in the desert.

I hope that I live my life in such a way that I am that sprout to others. The one that gives hope in a desolate land full of nothing but dry heat that leaves people wanting. May I be one of the few who shoot from the ground with a hope that there must be a wealth of springs underneath. One to believe and live like i was crafted to be. Started from a seed long ago, a sprout that has forced its way through the cement-like earth. Through the lies we are so susceptible to and believe too easily. But more importantly... a mere sign, a landmark, for the Ever-flowing, Life-Giving Spring of Life that flows underneath. Without It and the Sun, nothing can exist.

So let my life be. That I may live my life in such a way that whoever finds me also finds God, and whoever is looking for me must find God first.

What's in a Gift?

Every year I go through the same thing at Christmas. I have a list of people in my family and even friends that I feel the need to get a gift for. And I want to. Some of them I know the perfect thing to get for them. Others I have about 50 things I could get. Others I have no idea and spend no time thinking of it. But there's other times that I really have no clue what to get, so I ask them. They tell me something specific to get.

I start to wonder, though... doesn't that take all the fun out of it? Knowing that they are expecting that one particular gift they told you to get? But what choice did you have? You couldn't get them nothing. And it had to be something they'd really appreciate. But then you're in a bind. You're almost tied to getting that gift, the gift that takes all the creativity out of giving. This is not a bad thing, but it gets me to thinking: why do we give gifts at Christmas anyways? Doesn't it only cause stress and a serious sagging in the budget? Wouldn't we all be better off without giving gifts? And at that, shouldn't we be doing it all the time, not just one week out of the year?

Some of these questions have obvious answers: we give gifts, for instance, because of the Gift God gave humankind - Himself wrapped warmly in human flesh to re-establish an intimate relationship with Him, on a level we could now relate with Him on. Yes, it causes stress, but it was never intended to. God calls us to be giving of ourselves in every aspect - of our time, of our gifts, of our resources. Done in the right spirit, in God's Spirit, this becomes relieving and overwhelmingly joyful. It does not bring stress or wreak havoc (like the young man killed the day after Thanksgiving this year in opening a store). It lightens the heart and blesses everyone it touches. So maybe the issue is not the gifts themselves but our emphasis on them... not necessarily the obsession by them, but the focus on them instead of the reason and Spirit behind it.

I believe this is something we can never fully grasp. But still the point is this: we need give out of a loving heart, full of God. In the long-run, it truly is the "thought" that counts; not the dollars spent, but the time and thoughtfulness behind each gift. I have found sometimes the smallest, most insignificant gifts mean the most because of the personal touch, the time, the thoughts. Isn't it the same with us and God? The gift, then, may not be an expected one or even wanted one per se.

But it is the most adored and becomes the most wanted because of what it embodies!

...the same was with Christ
...the same is with us