Be Still

"Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

"Be still my heart and know you're not controlling what you fear. Be still my soul find rest and know you're in much greater hands than your own. My cloudy heart will break feel exhausted, I'm frayed. Can't move but can't stop moving. My busy discontent, working harder, I'm spent. Treading lightly, but I know I'm drowning. Help me stop. My faith is often frail, terrified to unveil. Trust you or just keep trusting me. I'm often far behind an image I've refined. But closer to the ground, I'm dirty. Clean me up. Breath in... Be still my heart and know you're not controlling what you fear (feel). Be still my soul find rest and know you're in much greater hands than your own."

Nic Carver

Today was the absolute strangest day I think I have ever had. When people talk about a roller coaster or events and emotions, they usually mean over a period of time: an accumulation of days, weeks, months, or even years. Today I had all of this extensiveness packed into one mere day! I know not whether to be glad about this or annoyed... whatever you want to call it. Six hours ago you would have found me crying as a result of these things. Now you find me laughing and looking ahead. What does this mean for tomorrow, for next week, the rest of my life? How can I change because of it? One thing's for sure - though I would have never recognized it in the midst of today's events - I was the object of some intense spiritual battle. It is serious business. Outside of this context, however, these things now make me want to laugh! What shifts in one's day anyways that makes them cry at circumstances and then turn right around and laugh at them? Emotions are funny like that sometimes.

Disclaimer: I really don't feel like sharing these specific experiences, circumstances, events, and emotions with the world. So if you're that close to me and you'd like to know more of what is behind this lesson, feel free to ask me next time you see me.

What I learned, and am still learning, is this: TRUST. To do just as the Psalmist said, from the lips of God: BE STILL or CEASE STRIVING! To know that God is God in every aspect and rely on that fact! You see, I try to hard. I "strive" too much. Probably because I want to have control of what is happening in my life. In my head. In my heart. ...With my emotions. And I sure have anything but that. Just as Nic put it, I need my heart to be still and know that I am not in control of what I fear and/or feel. Rather, I am in Hands that are much Greater than my own. In that I can rest. But do I? Seems to me I tend to do it mostly when it's easy or only when it is absolutely necessary. This is wrong. And this I must change. Can I change it? No. I don't think so. But God and His Spirit in me can!!!

...He has more power than I could fathom and yet we all tend to put him in a box. Kinda like that childhood song, "If I had a little white box to put my Jesus in, I'd take Him out and kiss His face and put Him back again." WRONG!!! Jesus does not belong in a box, He conquered DEATH for Pete's sake! I kinda have a feeling the tomb He was in was much stronger than our feeble boxes. Furthermore, He deserves more than mere kisses but that of trust and for us to literally DIE to him daily! And may God forbid that if we ever had Jesus in a box that we would dare put Him back in it. God cannot be boxed, so why do we try to do this in our lives so often? Why do I let the little things in life get to me? How much louder must God whisper to me that I can trust Him before I truly listen and obey? How much closer must He get for me to understand He is here, He will not leave, and He is utterly in control of every ounce of my being and those around me? My circumstances included.

I'm not sure I ever will but God has spoken louder to me today than He has in a long time. I say it is time to listen, truly. Whether or not that means I remember tomorrow I'm not sure. But here's my sign. Now it's time to take it one moment at a time. No more of this worrying about the future business: long-term or immediate.