By Stretch of the Emotion

Emotions are a curious thing. Much of the time you choose them, even though you may not realize you do. But what about when your emotions choose you? What about then? What can you do? Can they be controlled or changed of they are not what you really want? Or are you stuck with them until the next surprise emotion comes along to take over your life.

Who knows, maybe this is just an anomaly in my own life. But I live in what seems to be a glorified roller coaster. And let me tell you, it has a bundle of ups and downs and flips and turns. Sometimes I am just normal - but not often. Then there are the others: infatuation with life. Sometimes amazement. The sense of undeserving-ness. But sometimes I just get down about things. For no real reason. Just... down. About nothing in particular, even. And it seems nobody can do anything to change it. Not myself, not my family, not my friends. But it is something I truly want to change. Not that I want to be *happy* all the time. But joy. The joy I have spoken so adamantly and excitedly about in times past to others. Where is that? Am I missing it altogether? Is it not what I thought? Am I just trying to hard (I tend to do that a lot) or looking in all the wrong places? Whatever it is, I want to change...

Yes, I know there will be down times in my life. Deep times. Those times will come and go, never lasting forever. It seems a part of me refuses to accept this simply fact, however. I know I am blessed beyond measure. With people, with circumstances, with life. But that is just it... I know. I do not always feel it. I don't know how to change that. Only that I must. At least, I think I must. I wish I could. I have been, however, wrapped in this sin nature in my limited human experience. I cannot shake it. Though I do desire to do and become more and more like my Savior. Like my Father. Like His Spirit in me. This process is longer that I thought. I feel I am moving nowhere. I have so much to learn. So many places to go. The thought of waiting eats at me almost daily. That thing called patience - now that is a mystery. I thought I learned it once. But then what I'd been patient about finally came to fruition. The rest of my patience seemed to be thrown out the window. ...Yet another thing I desire so much to change. But that I will save for another discussion...

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